thoughts and inklings of an artist...

trying to understand

2007-04-05T21:37:00.000-04:00

i have heard several stories over the past couple of weeks that have just left me dumbfounded and truly grieved. stories that you hear and you think, "if only...." or "what if..." stories that involve death that result in a matter of feet/inches and stories of death that involve the mystery and cruelty of disease.

my mom shared with me about a 49 year-old woman who was killed last week at an intersection near UGA. she just happened to be in the wrong place when a man had a seizure and lost control of his car…….broadsiding her. she was a crosswalk guard at a middle school in athens and was on her way to work.

a professor here at centre and colleague of david's received the news last week that his 22 year- old daughter was shot and killed while visiting boston to attend her 90 year-old great aunt's birthday celebration. the night before the birthday party, she was sitting in a car waiting to leave a party with some local friends when a fight broke out with gun fire and she received a stray bullet to the head.

i met a young girl last week who's parents are divorced. she didn't have a relationship with her mother and lived with her father who had been dating a woman for awhile. this woman made an ultimatum...pick your daughter or pick me. the father chose his daughter and broke up with the woman. the woman leaves outraged and is dating another man within a few short weeks. a month or so goes by and the young girl wakes up one morning to attend school (senior in high school), and finds her father murdered in bed. no one has come forward with any information. it's speculated that the murder involved the ex-girlfriend and her new boyfriend.

met another beautiful senior in high school who recently lost her dad to a cancerous brain tumor back in october. her mom had quit work to take care of her dad full-time. while her mom was taking care of her dad, she started to feel bad. the young girl's mom died two weeks ago from liver cancer. both of these senior girls are faced now with making a college decision alone.

my heart literally grieves when i hear these stories. lives that end in the most random circumstance...and lives that are robbed by disease. what if the woman in athens had taken a ten minute shower oppose to a twelve minute shower that morning placing her safely on the sidewalk? what if the professor's daughter had leaned down when the gun was shot to retrieve her cellphone out of her purse to call 911? for the seniors in high school...the thought of facing their future and the rest of their lives without a mother or a father...how are they going to cope?

i experience so much emotion when i think about each of these stories. i am baffled with the question WHY? i get mad thinking about the innocent bystanders. i just now thought about the man who had the seizure....how will his life play out knowing that he accidentally killed a woman? i feel saddened for the young women and the fear and grief they are experiencing losing their parents. i hate cancer. i was in knoxville a couple of weekends ago and saw a young woman who resembled one of my best girlfriends who's life was taken by pancreatic cancer at the age of 46. i was so caught off guard by this woman's resemblance, that i just lost it...uncontrollably. little did i know how fresh, how raw tami's death is still in my heart...she's been gone almost two years now. the emotions that all of these people are feeling (not to mention all the people that are a part of their personal lives) are all real...including mine. we are struggling with questions, with sorrow, with anger, with a loss. when i think about all of this, i eventually find rest in believing, trusting, and having faith that i really know nothing and will never comprehend the sovereignty of our God. as much of the different emotions that i experience when i especially think about the accidental deaths...i just tell myself...it was suppose to happen, aly...it's the way it happened...you can't go back and reposition someone. i have to trust that in God's incredibly complex sovereignty, all these death's were/are purposed, and they will all be used to glorify Him ultimately. there is a bigger picture that we don't see and as much as our flesh wants to kick, fight, and scream in resistance to the reality of death (or really anything for that matter), we have to ironically "die" to that and lay it all at the foot of the cross. ugh....such a difficult act to do...

before and after

2007-03-19T22:04:00.000-04:00

i have been meaning to post these pics for forever, but haven't gotten around to it. i have always been a fan of before and after pics of people like my friend stephanie , home renovations, old photos of places that have since changed over time. anyways, i have had a few people inquire about our house doings, so here are couple of before and afters of our den/living room. note the 30 year-old gold sculpted carpet, 80 lb. mauve window treatments, and 2 archaic brass chandeliers are gone! this is one of the updated rooms that we've been able to enjoy since living here, and we've made other renovations that i may upload later. now that we are moving, we are doing a few major renovations (kitchen and bathrooms) to hopefully significantly increase the sale of our home. those before and after pics should be really fun because those rooms are pretty hideous. i am sad that we won't be able to enjoy those renovations because we're moving in a few months, but i trust that the new homeowners will, and the Lord will bless us with a home that will be perfect for us. (sorry for the ugly flash reflection in the window in the second pic.)

i want to share with you

2007-03-05T22:22:00.000-05:00

i have always refrained from posting about my husband because i feel a little awkward. when i read blogs about peoples' respective spouses, i think they are nice, but everyone is going to argue that his or her spouse is the best ever. so reading about how much people love their mate kinda makes me say, "spare me." it's cynical...i know... man, i am hard. well, to set myself up for failure now...i have decided to post about my husband. i am going to try to write in a way that isn't too biased or froo-froo or pukey reading material...but in away that a best friend would speak of another. i am not writing this to say my husband is the best, bragging that he is mine, and that everybody elses' husbands suck. women that read this...y'all have amazing husbands as well. we know that marriages aren't comparable. that is silly. so these words, everyone, are about a man who will touch your life, and if you ever get the opportunity to spend time with him or be his friend, i encourage you to do so. my motives behind this post are for you, readers. just like i would suggest a book, or recommend a certain artist, or tell you to visit a cool website, i suggest getting to know my husband (if you are a woman, that may sound a little awkward, but if you are a student, a co-worker of ours, a girlfriend of mine...you know what i mean...maybe i should say you should get to know us as a couple. but i am not talking about me...this post is about david). this is my sharing with you a man who will sweeten your life.

david is a man that you don't come across everyday...much less in a lifetime. what nudged this post to fruition was a comment from a former band member of david's, and an email from a person who has only know david for a short time...both compliments given to david this past summer. a man came up to me at a music festival and introduced himself telling me that he and david were in a worship band together a few years back. he went on about david for a few moments, and then said a word that totally jumped out at me: sweet. "your husband is such a sweet man." at first i wasn't sure how to respond, but i replied back, "you know...you are so right, he is a sweet man." we met another man this summer that we already consider a brother. he emailed me after the weekend saying, "now - to meet david. you made a most excellent choice when you married him. lady - he runs deep and pure." i have always known that david isn't the average run of the mill...even when we met eleven years ago i knew there was something different about him. he was honored this past year at centre and received the distinguished award for professors as Centre's Rookie of the Year. it's obvious that his colleagues and students have a deep appreciation and respect for him. several of them have recently set up a group on facebook honoring him. the other night he laid in my arms in tears over the depth of love and admiration he has for his dad. he will often cut fresh flowers from our backyard and creatively and joyfully arrange them for us to enjoy for the week. i wake up every morning to a gently kiss on the forehead and hear the words, "good morning, my love. i love you." i often hear the words, "is there anything i can do for you? how can i help you today?" i love hearing him talk on the phone with his buddies scattered across the states as he laughs, empathizes, and listens intently. his embrace is sweet, his heart is sweet, his words are sweet. i share these things with you to say if you have the opportunity to get to know david, your life will be changed forever. he has never met a stranger in his life. his love for me, his parents, his family, his friends, his students, and his colleagues is bountiful and endless. i know it seems i am creating him to be superman, invincible, and sinless...which is not what i am trying to do. he has the same amount of flaws as any of us do. nobody is perfect. i am not saying that he is perfect. i am saying that your life will be changed if you know him. here is a recent example of david, his faith, his love for others, his natural ability to carry out the gospel in everyday life. david is the grocery shopper of the family, and i go with him on occasion. this is an email from a young lady from our local kroger's who asked him for his email a couple of weeks ago. david makes it a point to visit her check out line when she is working. i have met her on a few occasions. as a child she suffered from hydrocephalus which is an accumulation of cerebrospinal fluid in the ventricles of the brain (leading to their enlargement and swelling) which has effected her brain therefore causing her to suffer socially and mentally. i think she has done remarkably well. she is such a sweet young lady. these were her words to him:

Hey David,
How are you? I appreciate you taking the time to talk to me last night at Kroger (2-13-07). It means a lot to me that there is someone out there that would help. I would like to know if I could call you my friend? Could I put you in my address book? Could you, me and your wife hang out sometime? That is if you don't have something to do. I don't have very many friends. I don't know if you go to church, but the first time I met you, it was like GOD knew I was looking for a friend and that friend is you and I appreciate you being the person you to me. You and your wife will always hold a special place in my heart. You are the nicest people and I hope our friendship continues to grow. I hope you don't mind me calling you and your wife friends, like I said before I need friends like you two. I hope it is ok that I email you here. I maybe emailing you quiet often. Thanks for the encouragement!!!!
Talk to you soon, Jennifer

like jennifer, it would be my prayer that you would see Jesus in my husband. he is an incredible man who never ceases to amaze me every day of my life. if you get the chance to know him, you won't regret it.

an influencial singer

2007-02-19T20:27:00.000-05:00

this is an entry that i posted almost a year ago. i am re-posting because i have added a photo that i recently found that i refer to in the post...you can view it at the very bottom.

i have been a long-time fan of elton john. as a ten-old-year i had several of his tapes and remember my older brother complaining that's all i listened to (which was pretty much true). he tried to heavily influence me with van halen, yes, and u2...to name a few. i didn't really have an option to dislike van halen seeing how our home was decorated with smoking babies with wings and long, blond-haired men posing in spandex. anyway, back to elton. in sixth grade, i wanted to dress up like elton and perform to crocodile rock for my peers for an english class presentation. so what did i do? dressed up, borrowed a friend's blow-up crocodile pool float (remember those?), and danced around the room lip-syncing to crocodile rock. holy heatwave batman! what in tarnation was i thinking??? i guess that's why they call it the clue(less). i was clueless...no wonder i had such a hard time in middle school. i was such a dork. such a dork. to make things worse...i was elton john for halloween as a ninth grader...yes, i said ninth grader. kinda of embarrassing. the school that i attended in ninth grade allowed you to dress up for halloween, so off i went bearing a top hat, bald cap, leopard-laced red jacket (that my mom wore as her going away out fit at her wedding, ha), black parachute pants (compliments of my brother), and white golfing shoes. oh, and i can't forget the huge yellow, squared-rimmed sunglasses. all of the kids at school were like, who in the heck is she? i was so offended. :o) my dad gave me EJ's box set collection for christmas that year (tapes, of course...didn't have a cd player until my junior year in high school), and subsequently various vinyl records to collect over the years. my mom took a friend and me to his sleeping with the past concert in the early 90's, and she let me go up front "by myself." i was in heaven. it was pretty amazing (now that i think about it) being just a few yards away from the man while he played your song on his grand piano. i have to say though the obsession has worn off to a huge degree, but i can't deny the man that influenced me as a kid. i haven't been so much of a fan of his music since the mid 90's, but the greatest hits volumes are definitely on the ipod. he holds a special place in my heart. here's my latest creation:[17 x 22 in. / medium: ink, pastels, and oil pastels]
yep...this is me. ninth grade. halloween. so i was wrong about the white golf shoes...i guess they were too big...so i had to settle with white slip-on keds. so what do you think? are you laughing?

thoughts on a tuesday night

2007-02-13T20:01:00.000-05:00

so i am sitting here on our couch. all by my lonesome. this semester david teaches a really cool documentary course at centre on tuesday nights and teaches a grad class on thursday nights at UK. so tuesday and thursday evenings are pretty much my time to "be." (i get woo-ed by some students on thursday nights to watch grey's with them.) it's kinda weird because for the past five years, david and i have pretty much been inseparable. it's been awhile since i have been "single" and had evenings to myself. i put my time in during those days...didn't get married until 27, so i had many solo nights. very glad those days are over! so wheel of fortune is muted in the background. we somehow messed up programming our VCR, and it didn't tape 24 last night (yes, i know...tivo, aly. we don't have cable...not an option). i was going to watch that tonight while i am by myself, but nonetheless, i decided to use this time to jot some thoughts. i am feeling pretty happy right now. the former keyboardist/vocalist/songwriter of mylon lefevre & broken heart left a comment on my blog earlier today (thanks to our carlos connection). so i am feelin' kinda special right now. paid me a compliment that humbled me. i also received a random email today from a nun from new york complimenting me on my cards and artwork...which is interesting because i don't really have much of my work accessible on my sight, but i was very touched by her comments. a freakin' nun was scoping me out! cool. it's amazing what so few words can do to make you believe in yourself. if i had someone tell me on a daily basis (besides my husband) that i created beautiful work, there is no telling what i would crank out. and to me that is so pathetic because i shouldn't rely on others' compliments to feed my motivation. holy spirit inspires me but i am so guilty of allowing the enemy to squelch my gifts. i know i can draw, and i know i can write, so why in the world do i not do it consistently? i sometimes blame my environment, my resources, and that i am not stimulated by my surroundings. lame, i know. trust me, i'll find an excuse. if i were immersed in an art culture i honestly think that i would create more pieces. well, i don't live in decatur, riverside, chattanooga, or on sanibel island, so what am i going to do about it? i'll be back.

holy crap!!! the dude on wheel of fortune just solved the bonus round puzzle "tangy flavor" for $100,000!!! i don't think i have ever seen $100,000 (before taxes) won. and he guessed the puzzle with T A _ _ _ _ L A _ _ R. it was described as a "thing." how in the world did he get that? holy mackerel. i am such a dork.

my kryptonite

2007-01-07T22:01:00.000-05:00

wow. what a ride. i mentioned in my previous post that i want to write about being ill. so here goes...october saw almost 250 prospective students come and go. 250 doesn't include moms, dads, siblings, grandparents, and yes... even pets. having fellowshipped with, entertained, and physically touched hundreds of visitors, the likelihood of succumbing to an illness was inevitable. i spent the entire month of november and into december with chronic diarrhea, stomach pain, and bloating. lovely. i sometimes wonder why my body experiences the things that it does. i have a vitamin b-12 deficiency which i believes contributes to a weak immune system. so in general, i am more susceptible to things than the normal person. after two weeks of abnormal poo (which after 4 days, i began to worry/stress)...i was told to take a sample of my poo to the hospital. i've never had to handle my poo like that before and have never had to give my poo to another person to hold. interesting experience. what's bad...i had to do this TWICE. and in between giving two stool samples, i had a stomach scope performed. i had lost several pounds (which i didn't have to lose in the first place) and the gastroenterologist was concerned and wanted to go in for a look. i was heavily sedated as they shoved a six foot camera cable down my throat. they didn't find anything alarming just a little bit of gastritis and a hiatal hernia (which explains probably my incredibly insane ability to burp like a man...i always thought i inherited it from my mom...i guess she has a hiatal hernia too). :o) my stomach biopsy came back normal after the procedure. so the big question was why i am having this incessant diarrhea? i began to think it was all in my head, stress, and irritable bowel syndrome. i was all down on myself for stressing about it all and causing unnecessary self-infliction all these weeks. but then the news came...the nurse calls me after all was said and done and said indeed that my second stool sample came back positive for a parasite called "cryptosporidium." i have never been so elated and disgusted at the same time. i was like all excited that they finally found out what was wrong with me. and then freaked out that i had a freakin' parasite living inside of me. for those of you that haven't heard of cryptosporidium, it is a parasite that is water-born. who's to say where i picked it up. could have been anywhere really. i am really good about drinking filtered water though (at work and at home), so i am thinking it came from a restaurant or a water fountain. i take bottled water to the gym and restaurants now. :o) not risking being funkitfied again. what a miserable five weeks! the doc put me on antibiotics, and i am on cloud nine. just in time to have a wonderful christmas with family and friends.

a mess

2006-09-11T23:03:00.000-04:00

so my in-loves come to town this past thursday. i decide to get the twenty-four hour bug (more like the 67 hour bug and counting) saturday morning exiting both ends (TMI...i know), and david leaves me yesterday for a week in canada. the in-loves leave this morning. i wisp to work having lost weight over the past couple of days wondering if i would make it through the day. i last until one o'clock and head back home for the couch. i am already emotionally stirred by the morning's paper on 9.11 and the haunting memories i have stored in my mind. so i am at home feeling pretty puny missin' my baby wishing that my stomach would stop cramping. to make matters worse, my aunt from the red sea visited me yesterday...what a combination. sorry, men...TMI. women, you feel my pain. so with the option of three soap operas or divorce court compliments of our rabbit ears, i resort to our case of dvd's. why i chose castaway, i don't know. i love this movie for some reason, so today i was on my, i guess, fourth viewing. i guess i like it because i don't have to concentrate on people speaking, or i don't have to figure out what's going on. i also love how it portrays the essence of time with profound, unspoken symbolism. similar to the previous three times, i begin sobbing when wilson is torn away by the sea and continue to sob until the end of the movie. the movie has an amazing ability to draw you into hank and hunt's character. this fourth time around, i was so much more aware of the comments and the surrounding set after hank had been rescued. we take so much for granted...so much. man. i flip the news on to watch more 9.11 memories only to surface more tears. i dawned on the fact that i had not prayed a single prayer for any of the victims' families and all involved on that horrible day. so i am sitting on my couch with snotty tissues pretty much a wreck still missin' my baby wondering what i was going to do about addressing my stomach. i go into the kitchen only to walk into a war zone of flies! flies buzzing all around me. i couldn't count...i panic...what the? i frantically looked for the source finding...nothing really. i trashed three red peppers on the counter and a banana that had been cut in half. nope. turned on the disposal. nope. all the while pulling matrix moves avoiding the frantic dive bombs. i put the trashcan on the back mud room and come back in to the deafening force field. i get a kitchen towel ready for retaliation. did i mention i hate flies? bam...broke our plastic paper towel holder (didn't like it anyway...). determined to stop the insanity...i licked three down in a row...just call me chuck norris...or rather mrs. miyagi. it was amazing. three dead flies wrapped up in a paper towel in the trashcan on our back porch. kitchen towel in the dirty clothes pile. silence. feeling good and wanting to reward myself, i scooted up to sonic for a chocolate milkshake to coat my stomach. it's a few hours later...and all i can say is...my eyes are still swollen from sorrow, and my stomach still hurts and that concerns me. maybe i am just constipated from all the lomotil i took to stop the diarrhea. yeah, hopeful that's it. anything past twenty-four hours means something is majorly wrong with me, right? i am a hypochondriac...i will settle with constipation though and call it a night. out.

live music

2007-01-25T17:39:00.000-05:00

david and i are headed to a concert next month in lexington and got in a discussion one night recently about all the concerts we've ever been to. i thought that this would be a fun post and want to encourage others to post the same if they want to. after thinking about all the concerts i have ever been to, i realized that i have dropped a butt load of money on concerts. but oh so worth it. i also have gone to the most random concerts that would probably make you laugh. i got to thinking about my other friends that blog and wondered what concerts they've been to (jo, you've gotta list yours!). so if you want, blog and list all the concerts you've ever been to. i am going to list my first concert, then the rest in random order, and then the last concert i attended. the starred ones are artists that i've seen more than once (unfortunately one artist...five times...obession?...nah). this is not a blog that is saying look at me, look at me...if anything it's for you to laugh at me. :o) and for you to hopefully share who you've seen. concert attendance says a lot about a person i think.

huey lewis and the news (first concert...1985), amy grant*, michael w. smith, jars of clay*, elton john, REM, john cougar mellencamp, steven curtis chapman*, PFR, caedmon's call*, newsboys, dc talk*, indigo girls*, pm dawn, delirious, skillet, jennifer knapp*, the connells, third day, john denver, out of the grey, the atlanta symphony orchestra, tracy chapman, christopher parkening, bebo norman, jennifer nettles*, hootie & the blowfish, bela flec & the flec tones, emmy lou harris, gillian welch, david crowder band*, pierce pettus, sugarland, james taylor, boston pops, john mayer (most recent...2007)

concerts that i wasn't allowed to go to that all my friends did:
yes, inxs, poison, rod stewart

concerts that are still on my wish list:
U2, switchfoot, mute math, van halen with DLR (never gonna happen) :o(, sarah mclachlan, barenaked ladies, sting, jack johnson, hanson, los lonely boys

concerts that a co-worker of mine went to (we're the same age).
this cracks me up:
MC hammer, prince, boyz to men, vanilla ice
(can you guess how old we are?)

two of my favorite women

2007-01-15T16:55:00.000-05:00

this pic was taken christmas day in the kitchen. these are two very special women in my life. i adore them, and i love the fact that they adore each other. i hope that one day i will be an awesome mom like they are. can't wait to be with the two of them next week!

words from a father

2006-11-19T21:37:00.000-05:00

my husband surprised me last year for my 30th birthday with a scrapbook filled with birthday wishes, cards, and notes from everyone i have ever known in my life. words are so powerful. i opened the book up tonight to revisit some of my letters and wanted to share these words with you. this is a letter from a man who sought me out as a hurting teenager and has never let go. i have such a deep respect and resounding love for him and his family. maybe these words will speak to you ::

My daughter in the faith of Christ, the one to whom I first had opportunity to witness and share in ministry, the one who has brought my life such joy and laughter: the blessings and peace of God to you on this great day of celebration in your life. May His Holy strength and peace be yours as you continue to journey forward on His path, bound together with you your husband, together seeking His will and call. May He provide for you wisdom, clarity, compassion and grace as you seek to serve Him in the second season of your life, a season that will be profoundly different from the first, but one equally rich and rewarding. Never forget the spontaniety of youth and allow it to fuel your dreams as wife and mother. You are now in the age of contribution. What will yours be? It has already been so great in so many ways, but it unfolds now in the grander scheme - the true call He has placed on you and David. I pray for you and look forward to exactly what that will be in the coming years - and I know He will be pleased. Be blessed - know you are loved - and embrace His sovereign Hand. I love you.

wow. wow. wow. means more to me tonight than it did to me last year. what love. what challenge. for those of you that are now in the age of contribution, what will yours be? i am not asking you to answer...just asking you to think...

enjoying our tree

2006-12-10T23:13:00.000-05:00

the past couple of months have been filled with a record high number of prospective students and personal illness. i would like to blog about the latter soon. for today, i enjoyed watching football with my husband (lanell, my fantasy football team is on the brink of an 8-6 record.), and i am enjoying our tree. i will dip back into the blogging world soon. love to all. :)

oh my

2006-11-20T21:13:00.000-05:00

we woke up to snow this morning. blink ??? blink. i am not sure if i have ever lived anywhere that it has snowed on or before christmas...much less mid NOVEMBER. it was lovely. i love the sound of silence that snow possesses.

my ignorance

2006-09-23T21:52:00.000-04:00

those that don't know my profession...i work in a college admission office, and i love it! i greet all prospective students and their families and see to it that they have a memorable experience. there is a lot of coordinating between people within our office, guidance counselors, professors, current students, etc. to ensure a smooth visit. this past friday i experienced a first: we had a student that was in a wheelchair. he was a delightful young man who appeared to have cerebral palsy perhaps? his parents were great, he was engaging, and i tried to "treat" him as normal as possible assuming he didn't want royal treatment or pity. as he and the rest of our guests were leaving to go on a campus tour, i thought in the back of my mind...i hope that the tour works out for him, and my worrying didn't go much further than that. i was busy getting prepared for more students arriving within the next hour. the tour returned, and then they all had interviews which take place in a different building than my office. so after the interview, one of the counselors called to say this young man was on his way over to meet with our student lunch host who would be taking him to our dining hall. if you walk out the front door of our building, you see the dining hall down the hill. i thought to myself, wait, we have a ramp out back, but i don't think we have a ramp out front. i grabbed my student worker, and we ran outside to see. then i thought well, wait...why do we have a handicapped parking space out front towards the north end of the building? how in the hell is a person going to park there and get in here? then i thought how is our friend going to leave here and get to the dining hall? so i panicked. we ran out the back of the building to see how they were going to leave and get to the dining hall. i was freaking out because there were all these steps and the sidewalks that lead to the dining hall had steps down. leslie and i were like, how are we going to figure this out before he arrives, so it won't look like we are idiots on getting him to the dining hall. we quickly figured that she needed to meet him outside of a courtyard and literally go a long way around campus so his wheelchair would be able to access a sidewalk and pathway that lead to a patio connected to the dining hall. ALL THIS TO SAY...i feel so ashamed that i didn't know how to get around our campus if one is handicapped. i was sad that i have never thought about it. and i was sad because you know that he and his family have to think about this every single day of their entire lives. it's almost like a maze or a puzzle that has to constantly be solved just to do normal things in life. and i am sure 90% of the time ends in frustration and/or disappointment. we take so much for granted, ya' know? i challenge you as you carry on with your life...notice if your office building is handicapped accessible. next time you go shopping, to a meeting, to a park, pretend if you were handicapped and see if you could get access to where you are going. if someone calls you tomorrow and asks how to get to your office, would you know how to tell them to go? man, reality check.

hairdos

2006-09-04T21:28:00.000-04:00

david and i went to college with a guy who is pretty stinkin' hilarious. he posted some pics of himself on his blog several weeks ago in regards to hairdos. my college roomy gave him some do-do rolls with a curling iron, and i took this pic of him our sophomore year in college (he's on the right) and to my knowledge...he has no clue that i possess it. :o) happy labor day, jabulani jonny. thanks for the many laughs.

something that disgusts me

2006-08-30T22:32:00.000-04:00

somethings that disgusts me are shows like entertainment tonight or access hollywood informing the world the cost of earrings jennifer aniston wore on the red carpet, or that sharon ozborne's dog has an eating disorder, or that tom cruise gave steven spielberg a rare & crazy-expensive motorcycle for his birthday. who gives a care (remember saying that in junior high?)? how is any of this information going to better, strengthen, or encourage another human being? and you know what disgusts me even more? 95% of the time, if it's on...i watch it.

too close to home

2006-08-29T12:04:00.000-04:00

[i wrote this yesterday] my heart is pretty heavy right now. i am just sad. i am sure everyone has heard of the tragedy of the comair flight yesterday morning. the wife of the "honeymoon couple" was a 2004 centre graduate. one of the students here told me today that they were sorority sisters. i didn't know the couple personally; however, i knew bart. husband. father of three. i had just recently put his number in our cell phone. we had had a couple of lengthy conversations at church this summer. he was embarking on a new future for himself and his family. they were going to move to peachtree city, georgia. bart, his wife, and i struck up a wonderful conversation several weeks ago about georgia. we were planning to get together to have dinner, and david and i were going to share about "life in georgia." with david having been raised in a town close to peachtree city, we thought that sharing about our lives would be great for them. bart stopped me in the hall at church a couple of weeks ago to tell me that they had found a house and that it was a "total god thing." he was excited for the future that laid before him and his family.

david woke me up to the news yesterday morning, and my immediate thought was, "would i know anyone on that flight?" i racked my brain, but could think of no one. i was processing the fear that david could have very easily been on that flight. he has taken that flight before to atlanta. when we arrived at church, we saw a friend in the parking lot being held and knew something was wrong. as we approached we could hear the cries of her heart. sitting down on the curb to gain her composure, she was trying to grasp the horror of reality. an elderly man approached us, and we were told, "we have some tradgic news. bart, one of the deacons in our church, was on the plane this morning that crashed." needless to say, our time at church was somber. our pastor was at a loss for words. we were all in shock. my heart grieves for kyra and the kids. her husband is gone. their dad is gone. so many questions. not enough answers. where is the hope? i ask the question "why?" i don't have answers. to make my heart question even more...bart was scheduled to fly out saturday evening, but his flight got cancelled. the next available flight...flight 5191. it's hard to believe he's gone. it's just hard to grasp it all. there are so many "what if's", "if only's", "how come's." so many that i can only cling to jesus right now knowing that he knows. i don't. i have to trust him. i don't know what else to do.

life of pi

2006-08-26T17:46:00.000-04:00

i recently finished reading life of pi and bookmarked several quotes. this one in particular stood out to me: for evil in the open is but evil from within that has been let out. the main battlefield for good is not the open ground of the public arena but the small clearing of each heart. duuuurn.
so true.

purpose behind all this

2006-08-23T18:18:00.000-04:00

a friend recently posted on his blog an entry titled "blogging funk." this birthed a conversation between david and me about the whole concept behind blogging. david has always struggled with his purpose behind it, and can't seem to "get into it." he makes intuitive arguments about the whole concept of purpose and desiring a reason to blog. i, on the other hand, seem to blog about "whatever" and enjoy doing it. but over the past few days of pondering and really searching my heart, i have found myself asking, "why do i blog?"

sometimes i feel like blogs can be a brag book for people to write about areas in their lives. they can create a verbal picture and create an illusion that things are great. i know people out there second guess their choice of words, how they are going to type something, how they can squeeze in extra details that really are not necessary. i do it. i admit it. and it really, really bothers me that i do it. especially when i read other people's blogs and accuse them of doing it as well. just as i point the finger at someone, i have three fingers pointing back at me. i do find some blogs that i read to be pretty shallow in content, yet light-heart...an easy read...which is great when you don't want to use your brain. there are blogs specifically to create community, blogs that document a child's life, blogs that network homeschooling moms, blogs that share pics of their kids for grandparents and family to view from far distances, blogs that read like poetry, or blogs that are confessionals where people are truly transparent.

with this last blog topic....that since of authenticity attracts me. when people are honest...it's an incredible gift. my husband recently posted on his blog a perfect example of what i am talking about. david is an incredibly gifted writer, and his post will penetrate your heart. go check it out. after i read it, i was like, "this is it. this is what blogging is about. (and wishing i could write like that)." or i should say, "this is how i want to blog (other people have other purposes as i mentioned above)."

so my desire is to blog about stuff that is of importance. i don't want to post to say look at me, look at me. i often worry about if i come across as "look at what we have or look at what we get to experience." i actually ran into this whole blogging dilemma when i first started this in 2004. i had posted several entries, but stopped because i felt like i was posting for other people's expectations. i picked it back up a year later only because i felt guilty for not keeping it up after being harassed by one of my youth group kids. i didn't know who my audience was or really is. since my blog is linked to my notecards site, i haven't a clue as to who drops by and reads. i know that my former students/youth group kids read it (all ages of life). i feel like my audience is so broad that i shy away from being totally who i am. i post about things that are safe, non-offensive, and age-appropriate. i sometimes struggle with that because i want to be authentic. but at the same time, i don't want to offend.

david and i both agree that when you've joined the blogging world, there is almost this unspoken expectation to consistently write because that is what is expected from you. maybe i am not complying with the blogger rules. if i want people to read my blog, then i should probably produce work consistently; however, i don't want to blog just because i haven't posted in almost three weeks. i want a reason or an event to blog about. i am sure people get frustrated with that due to wanting to read recent posts. i don't like those expectations on me. i am not going to blog just to appease someone's desire to read new material. if people get frustrated with the lack of posts, then they more than likely won't come back to visit. i guess i say that because the only blog that i view consistently is carlos's because i know that he blogs everyday and most days, he'll post more than once. i go there because i know other people go there. it's almost like going to be a part of a crowd (hence his ability to create community via his blog) . going where others are. however, i rarely speak. i think i have only left a couple of comments at his site. but i still like going because carlos makes me laugh, and he is real.

ahhh!!! (yell out loud) i am so analytical. i think too much. all this to say...i am going to experiment with the content of future posts. i know people have left comments that they like to read to stay connected or to catch up on our comings and goings. i still want to post about those things, but i also want to steer in a direction of authenticity. i have read endless comments from people who thank a person for being real and sharing their heart in their blogs. i see that desire for people to be real with each other. being authentic in one's blog allows for a reader to feel validated, relief, compassion, empathy, sympathy... i guess what i am saying is that blogging can create an illusion that we're all content, sharing happy, funny stories, showing pics of new "stuff" that we collect, etc...when deep inside we're all really hurting. blogging is a place where we can very easily not be authentic. it's just as easy to say "i've got it all together and life is great" as it is to be aunthentic and say "you know...i've had a really shitty day." but how many people want to be vulnerable and admit that they've had a shitty day or that they are struggling with real, raw life issues?

so here's to authenticity and hopefully to future posts that will be meaty and cause one to walk away with some things to think about.

payne and lemmings...i am so PUMPED that y'all have tripped across my blog...WOW...so fun to hear from you both...sorry i haven't responded to your comments. jp, you had me on the ear piece thing...for a second. :o) i am looking forward to walking this blogging journey with you each.

been outta pocket

2006-08-04T12:39:00.000-04:00

i recently left my job within the alumni office, and now work in the admissions office. it was a difficult decision, but was humbled by admission's desire to hire me. things are pretty crazy this week, and will continue to get crazier as students return. the past few weeks have been kinda crazy actually for david and me. just wanted to answer the question with what's been up and where i'll be over the next few weeks. i hope to post soon, but blogging isn't on the list of priorities right now (writing mine or reading others). :o( i actually have been reevaluating the purpose of blogging, and hope to share those thoughts soon. until then, stay cool (literally).

wanna nut?

2006-07-16T08:00:00.000-04:00

i mentioned in my previous post that david and i saw a couple of squirrels while in north carolina. never seen anything like it before. it turns out that the white squirrel is a species that only resides in brevard, n.c. click here to read how they've evolved...it's pretty funny. here's a pic that we captured on brevard's college campus. i thought that we had found a rare albino squirrel...ends up they populate the entire town. dude, they have an annual white squirrel festival every may. insane.

as for the other squirrel...we kept hearing this "tink tink" from a bird feeder on a tree while we were watching fireworks late one night. it finally dawned on me (clicked in my subconscious) that there was something messin' around in the birdfeeder. so we got a flashlight (and a shovel for defensive purposes) and flashed the feeder. there sits this creature...david was like...WHAT is that!?!? from some odd reason, i was like, "it's flying squirrel" (i wouldn't say that i am smart...but for some reason...i logically thought it's nighttime...it looks kinda like a squirrel...therefore it must be a flying squirrel). so we played a flashlight game with him/her. everytime we'll say "he" came out, he'd stay for a sec or two and then hop off the ledge of the feeder back behind the tree. then we got the telescope out and DUDE, you could see what he was clearly munchin' on. he finally got annoyed with our light game and scurried off. unfortunately we didn't get to see him fly. and our camera battery died (with the charger at home), so we couldn't take any pics, so i grabbed this one off the internet.

the mountains

2006-07-09T19:34:00.000-04:00

david and i took advantage of july 4th and took a little chunk of time off from work. we headed down to cashiers, n.c. and spent some time with my parents who came up from athens. we had an awesome time hanging out, enjoying the incredible scenery, rocking on the front porch, and exploring the mountainous towns. we went to an arts and crafts show in town one afternoon, and i've been totally inspired to take my artistry on an adventure and use different materials. i've always been...i don't know, scared, lazy...whatever...and have always stuck with pencil, colored pencil or pen. i just recently have been using charcoal. this weekend kicked my butt to start painting. i guess i've been scared of failure. painting is a whole different bird. anyways, more on that later. the weekend was great being with my parents in a beautiful mountain home compliments of her college roommate. the evenings got down in the 50's, so we slept with opened-windows with the ceiling fan on. BURRR....loved it. who knew it could get that cold in the summertime? be sure to check out our slideshow below (cool feature compliments of our friends robin & andy). here are some highlights of our trip:

rocking on the porch everyday and looking at the gorgeous view
playing scategories with my parents and laughing hard at my dad’s ridiculous answers
observing a “white squirrel” and a “southern flying squirrel”
appreciating other artist’s work at the craft show
eatin’ southern barbeque and drinking “real” sweet tea
trying to watch fireworks through a telescope
sleepin’late with the windows open to 50+ degree weather
playing the hook-catching-ring-on-a-string game (i have no earthly idea what it's called..there's a pic below)
going on a hike with david and getting’ caught in the pouring rain
visiting the lindrum’s, deschane, and the hall’s along the way (amazing berry friends)
getting tickled with my mom (when she starts to laugh silently…it’s all over…)
taking jack johnson’s advice & eatin’ banana pancakes pretendin’ like it’s the weekend

superman returns a fun favor

2006-06-26T16:53:00.000-04:00

here's a fun superman game that will keep you occupied for awhile. nice graphics. watch out for the kryptonite. dude, it wipes out 500 points everytime you fly into one by accident. i'd probably have a decent score if i didn't keep flyin' into the durn green rocks! my high score is an even 10,000. click here to play. also, once you catch the wreckage, you have to tap your "up" arrow key to slow superman down to safely dispose of the wreckage...beware...you'll experience severe finger/wrist crampage that could lead to carpal tunnel. still fun to play though! david and i are cheesy and are looking forward to the movie. hey, if you score big, check back here and post your score. husband scores don't count. ;o) j/k

cool connections

2006-06-29T16:38:00.000-04:00

i have been meaning to post this for a few weeks now. sorry, this is a lame post for those of you that aren't followers of LOST. as the tv show progressed, i always thought to myself, "man, i need a map of people connections. like to write down everybody's name and show how they are "related" or "connected." but of course that would be too complicated and mind-boggling for me to do (plus i haven't seen all the episodes... we came in towards the end of season one). so this cool person did it for me! i actually learned of new connections after viewing this map! i tripped across this through usatoday's website. click here to view it. it's really large for the screen, so to view it best, you may need to print it out. when you click on the image to fit your screen (well at least my tiny 17" screen...yeah, i don't have a 104" mac screen like los), the words aren't really legible. for all those who are LOST junkies and have seen this months ago....shut yo pie hole! don't make me feel like a dork....thanks. ;o)

left left left right left

2006-06-20T19:19:00.000-04:00

there are many things that i do that gravitate towards self-conscious tendencies in my mind. i often fear what others think of me. i am a perfectionist, so i beat myself up a lot. i am a second guesser in a lot of ways. scars from my middle school days reveal themselves in a slightly darker hue in situations where i feel threatened, ganged up on, or mocked. however, on a lighter note, there are some things about me that i can seriously laugh at and not succumb to the three-eyed self-conscious monster. here's an example of how quirky i am and honestly don't care about it. as all ipod owners know, his or her ipod comes with the basic manufactured pair of white earphones. these are the ones that i use for my nano. they're fine. i have read a few reviews on them which people are most unhappy. i am like, gosh, am i a loser for using mine? should i like go buy some high-tech, expensive ones. :o) there it goes again...the self-doubting, self-conscious evil monster taking a little skinny dip. so anyways, the earphones have small lettering marking them each as a "left" earpiece and a "right" earpiece...hence an "L" and an "R." well, here's the deal. both earpieces are identical in shape, so the earpieces could go in either ear and do the job just as well. so my deal...it's like pavlov's law...doggie hears the bell...doggie always slobbers. aly uses her nano...aly always picks up her earphones, checks to see which one is "L" and "R", and always puts them in their respective ears. EVERYTIME. i have to put the "L" in my left ear and the "R" in my right ear. i just can't bring myself to ignore the fact that it makes no difference. it's crazy!!! call it OCD, call it an idiosyncrasy, call me tard head, call me shirley. i think it's so funny. am i weird or WHAT?!?! i just can't help it! :o)

the rocket returns

2006-06-18T21:31:00.000-04:00

david and i somehow lucked up as ticket holders for the lexington legend's game with roger clemens and his son koby. we purchased a couple of four dollar tickets online seconds before the legend's website crashed, and held on tight. what a fun night! we showed up an hour and a half early because we had lawn tickets, and the lawns were actually pretty full when we arrived. we managed to squeeze our way in behind a free-standing hotdog grill along first base line and had an awesome view. we were right there as roger warmed up (the pic to the left) and were among all the crazied fans looming for autographs. roger pitched the first three innings recording six strike outs, a couple of hits, and a homerun. the kid that hit the homerun was probably dookin' in his pants. as the ball sailed down the first base line, it hit a sign above a deck where people can stand (it's called the pepsi party deck). the ball hit the "e" in "deck" and it shattered the upper part of the "e" making it a natural moment i am sure for the hitter...although i am not sure he was looking (i think he was preoccupied with the mess in his drawers). there were so many people there...it was insane. record numbers for a legend's game for obvious reasons. after the game and lots of fun (i love being a part of a big crowd), david thanked me for being a cheap date...total spent that evening for parking, dinner, and tickets was a grand total of $19.50. not too stinkin' shabby!

me gracefully stuffing my face with 25 cent hotdogs. yes, 25 cent hotdogs! sad thing is...i still could only eat two...so much for getting our money's worth. this one kid beside me had a whole sack full of dogs and was grazing on them throughout the game....atta boy.

here's a pic of roger on the mound and koby playing third.